My 21-Day Experiment with Love


  • Love is powerful beyond measure; sitting underneath everything, if we just take the time to stop and see, feel and be love.


I began this experiment first and foremost to explore the power of love and what I found was that the love is powerful beyond measure; sitting underneath everything, if we just take the time to stop and see, feel and be love. In the context of love I have felt that my whole being is accepted and in this acceptance, my ‘stuff’ has arisen to be seen. And again, in the context of love, seeing is accepting.

The immediate ripple of love and acceptance is compassion, which I have discovered is a word that is love, acceptance and forgiveness rolled in to one word. I have felt authentic compassion for myself, which has naturally and effortlessly resulted in compassion for ‘others’.

What happens then is tolerance, patience, understanding and respect. This hasn’t always happened instantly – sometimes it has taken a whole day for the love to seep through my layers of conditioning - but When it has happened, it has dissolved fear and anxiety, and revealed actions and understandings in a very matter of fact way. I wonder if this is what is meant by detachment, detaching the emotions from a situation so we can see the reality that is to be managed.

It has also removed a level of turbulence and fear from my relationships, which has been an area of my life fraught with anxiety and fear. It is a difficult experience to describe but I shall try. I see myself much more clearly and with much less judgement (if not immediately, then after some practice).

Equally I see ‘others’ more clearly and with much less judgement because I feel an intimacy with people that is quite new to me and an inclination to do stuff with people and move forward as ‘us’. This ‘I’ has become ‘we’ and separated by a very fine transparent thing called a body. Again, it is not yet an instinctive, natural 24/7 thing but I am having the felt experience of connection that is growing.

So, as I said before, I am seeing myself and the world more clearly and this is the opposite of rose-coloured glasses. I am not perfect and neither is anyone else or the world, or at least not perfect in the Barbie, airbrushed version of perfect that we have become so concerned in many aspects of life, including spirituality. There is perfection in seeing the blemishes and allowing them to be there and there is perfection in seeing the world without it needing to be right or wrong.

And on reflection, some of my behaviour and thought patterns that have been the most difficult to transform are transforming on their own without conscious effort, I think because they are being allowed.

Life is made in the small decisions we make in each moment and if we are deciding in a moment of love then our decisions will be different, which create a more loving lives with more loving relationships, even if they are not ‘perfect’. If we feel love within ourselves we don’t need to do anything to deserve love and neither does anyone else – we are love and we see the world with love, it is our choice and our responsibility.

21 Days?

Yes, making a commitment to do something every day for 21 days has definitely been a very potent tool in beginning a new practice. The power of love is beginning to reveal itself to me because I have immersed myself in the practice, in my life, everyday, several times a day for three weeks. Yes, it is now habitual to stop and evoke love which is resulting in an increase of the background presence of compassion in my everyday life.

Public declaration?

Yes, making a public declaration of my commitment has also been very potent, made even more so by the form of the declaration and commitment. I made a declaration on Facebook that I would practice through the day and write about it at the end of the day and share my experiences. The result has been public journaling and it has sometimes been the declaration that has put my bum on the seat and in the journaling the reflection and understanding has come.

And finally…

I think the power of my experiment can be summed in this final anecdote.

Yesterday, the morning after my experiment concluded I awoke again in the early hours with a family of anxieties nesting in my consciousness. Instead of being evicted from my house by this invading family I rose from my bed and did an asana practice, followed by a relaxation and meditation.

What I discovered was a deep rooted fear that sat as a knot in my heart, and out of the fear sprung all my anxieties and smaller fears (the patterns that generate reactions). This wasn’t a useful fear like a fear of rearing snakes or white tailed spiders in the bed linen, this was an existential fear, a fear of life and all that ‘life’ could do to me if I … completely disempowering.

So my mind started to work on what I could to get rid of this fear with which I had identified and which been so limiting in my life. Then I held my finger and I became aware of love, love so deep that it laid under the fear then everything stopped. I felt the warm assurance of being held, like a small child being held by a nurturing parent, totally safe. I didn’t need to do anything with the fear, I just needed to feel the love. Again the solutions to my anxieties arrived without me needing to think or do anything in particular.

And finally, this experiment has not cured my life but it has given me a deep connection with love, which I am increasingly experiencing as my essence, an essence far more powerful than fear.

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