Day 7 conclusions:
- Proactively evoking love regularly through my day does enable a background mood of universal love so that I am not swamped by overwhelm and its friends doubt and confusion.
- Holding the creatures of the deep in compassion dissolves the tension around creatures and this enables honesty and action rather frustration, anxiety and anger – relationships 1, creature 0.
- When we evoke the love that is already within us we become love and effortlessly, the creatures of the deep are much less scary and sometimes they even dissolve a little.
Wow, a whole week of my experiment, already. And the last few days have been quite turbulent as some very big emotional patterns have surfaced, amidst a very busy time in my life. A very big question has loomed underneath everything – how do I best use my energy to express the essence of intention?
It is perhaps that the environment of love has given permission for my deepest fears and insecurities to float to the top. Love imbues trust which imbues safety and safety allows opening and sometimes that opening allows the creatures of the deep to rise up and bite you fairly and squarely on one or both of your unsuspecting buttock cheeks.
This has been my last three days.
First deep unspoken fear, then past thought and emotional patterns rising from my childhood and today the massive feeling of overwhelm – all fed on sleep loss, the hormonal shifting sands of menopause and life events (book releases, children moving house and travelling O/S on exchange, me moving house and looking at changing the structure of my professional life), and watered by the energy releasing work of a local chiropractor. Big scary, potentially swamping creatures of the deep.
Fortunately I have been experimenting with love and fortunately I have lovely children and lovely partner. It has worked in this way: fear arrived and I learnt to hold fear with the love for a crying child, as well as sprouting the idea of evoking love through the day to form a background mood of compassion; a background mood of compassion arrived like soft fluffy nimbus cloud so that old patterns arrived softly into compassionate arms; and today when overwhelm joined the party at 3am I was unashamed in sharing its presence with both partner and daughter, and was able to gently hold the doubts and thoughts that seem to be overwhelm’s hanger-onners.
In allowing overwhelm to rest in the same crucible of love, in a mood of compassion, I found I was less exhausted than a 3am start would predict and much more functional and loving than I would normally experience. Love and compassion gave me the courage to allow the overwhelm to stay, without being swamped by it, needing to blame anyone else or needing to do anything with it, and through the day I chipped away at the list of tasks that were feeding the overwhelm creature and it began to shrink.
The best aspect of love holding overwhelm was that in the past I might have allowed overwhelm to infect my relationships with the people I love – dispersing my inner tension in their direction, like aiming a steam release valve at someone close by – but today there was no tension to be dispersed because despite feeling like crap, there was no resistance. This is the same for the patterns that had been uncovered the day before, they had a home, they were welcomed, no need for fuss. Also fear the day before that.
So I am tired but my relationships are intact, my list of tasks has been reduced and I am becoming less and less afraid of my creatures of the deep. I think when we evoke the love that is already within us we become love and, effortlessly, the creatures of the deep are much less scary and sometimes they even dissolve a little.
It is like the shapes in a darkened bedroom, when the light is switched on what was a monster is now a dressing gown or a harmless piece of furniture. The thing is the same, it is still there but our perspective has changed and we are seeing the true thing.