Day 6 conclusions:
- Pro-actively evoking love regularly through my day does enable a background mood of universal love so that when old patterns return they might be painful and they might be hard but if nothing else they can be held in love.
- The reactive patterns of my life don’t disappear just because I meditate but they can acknowledged, owned and if not resolved, at least the pattern can be held and in being held I can take responsibility for how I respond; and this is much more empowering.
- And again, if fear is loved then there is no need for fear or worry.
Yesterday I noticed that my new practice was building a background mood of compassion which my held my experience of life. I began thinking about the possibility of being proactive in evoking the power of love rather reactively using love as a Band-Aid? Would the regular practice of evoking love reduce the initial reaction, thereby reducing the need to wip out the Band-Aid?
The first difficulty I ran into was maintaining a regular practice through the day and tomorrow I will set hourly reminders. What I did find was that when even though I lapsed in the afternoon situations that would have disrupted my equanimity before, did not today. This is not proof but it does anecdotally suggest there is merit for continuing to experiment.
I think the most important aspect of this came this evening when I discovered childhood emotional patterns that I had hoped had been dissolved, had not.
My practice from today enabled my reactivity to be reduced so that I could ‘be’ with my emotions without needing to be either angry or a victim. My lesson from yesterday encouraged me to hold the patterns with the same love as I would a young child. My lesson from an earlier day taught me look at my reactions (it’s not about them), and not look for someone to blame.
I feel sad and I feel fear that I may never resolve these issues but at least I can honestly see my patterns and this is far more empowering than histrionics and blame. i am not defeated.
The whole week is teaching me to hold my experience of life in a crucible of compassion, so that all of my life can be welcomed and just maybe I can transform the metal into something more golden. i can be an alchemist.
If I can rest in me, if I am not afraid of pain and fear, there is no need for fear and worry.