Day 4 conclusions
- If it’s not about what they do or do not do then other people don’t have to earn love…and then maybe it’s not about what I do either and I don’t have to earn love, I can just be.
- Being loveable and/or loved doesn’t depend on us being perfect, we aren’t perfect and that’s enough.
- Is it possible that evoking love reduces or even removes the feeling of separation?
Last night after posting my latest blog post to my personal page, with the heading “Does this mean we don’t need to earn love?”, it occurred to me that if feeling love is up to me and not the person I am feeling loving towards and if my emotions are my responsibility then this other person doesn’t need to do anything to earn my love. This felt very exciting and liberating.
Then the big mother of all balls dropped – “if they don’t then neither do I, I can just be me and I am loved, exactly as I am right now.” Oh my god, did I get excited with the possibilities this opens in life and loving. Actually it opens life and loving
Today the excitement has settled into a quiet confidence, I have simply spoken my truth – to myself and the world around me. I have genuinely smiled at people all day and each time I felt the habit of doubt I returned to my forefinger and Om. The intention and commitment to the practice and the blogging bringing me back to love.
The result is a decision about progressing with my eBook campaign and setting a date for the publication on Amazon – Saturday, 12th December.
Then of course this evening I fell off. Maybe it was the G&T or the half glass of wine but I forgot and found myself in a domestic to and fro. I was still established enough not to fall into total reaction but I was triggered and voices were raised. And then something changed in my thinking, by some grace I remembered love.
I started asking questions.
“So what if we could accept and love each other exactly as we are, not needing to change anything about we react or changing anything about ourselves or each other and even accept that sometimes we will disagree about how our lives should be?”
“What if we could accept not being perfect?”
“What if we are enough?”
“What do we want, going forward?”
And most importantly, “how can I hold us both in love?”
It completely changed the need to be right or wrong, defend ourselves or justify. Our language authentically changed to “I am feeling…” or “I felt…”. We felt safe and our voices softened, we started to listen for understanding instead of listening to formulate our defence or explain ourselves again.
And the answer to the questions? Sitting in our experience of unconditional love makes all of the abovementioned states possible and that results in freedom in relationship.
And this brings me to my last thought for the day, a thought that has been sitting on the rim of my consciousness since the beginning of my experiments. When I have been using the sensation of love practice with a matter of another person, my experience has been a diminishing sense of separateness or otherness.
That is, when I am evoking the sensation of unconditional love I am concerned with the wellbeing of ‘us’ not ‘me’. In fact, there is no me. I don’t disempower myself in favour of the other or expect them to surrender their power to me, there is no tug of war – we simply drop the rope. All the barriers dissolve and there is no separation.
We breathe, we are loved; we are not perfect and that’s enough; and we are ‘us’.